Calm Defender T-Shirts

Tai Chi

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Fight or Flight

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

Need an elevated state of mind too!

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Enlightened Cursing

"Actually we were hoping you'd be encouraging a more conciliatry approach to conflict management."

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Muzak's Top 10

"You don't get a lot of work done, Jenkins, but I admire how thoroughly unstressed you are."

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

'I feel wired. I want to feel wireless.'

'That's the worst video game idea I ever saw!'

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

Sea of Tranquillity

Relaxation Technique

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"No, there's nothing wrong at my job. That's what's got me worried."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

'I wish I could be as calm as JB when it comes to making decisions.'

Don't laugh. It's added three points to his scores.