Calm Commander T-Shirts

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

'He must have crept in at night. The important thing is to stay calm.'

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

Bite out of fishing pier.

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"I'm so good at this!"

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

Enlightened Cursing

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Paper Trail

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

Relaxation Technique

'There's an extra $25 in it for you if you can get the Silly Putty out of his hair.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

The art of fishing.

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

Chloe had again chosen tubing the river.

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

Poetry Journal. Any good submissions over the internet? No -- Just the usual bloggerel.

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

'The therapy is working... I don't use all caps in emails anymore.'

'If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs...'

"Williams cannot work from home anymore. He's losing touch with the company culture."

"No matter how dire the problem...no more memos that start with 'YIKES!'"

"Darn it, she's unreachable when she gets her inbox down to zero."

'Well, you'll just have to CONTROL your urge to yodel!'

"My philosophy has always been 'Don't sweat the small stuff -- it's all small stuff!'"

Traffic Sign Haiku