Calm Crusader T-Shirts

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

'He wasn't worried about the insect on his jacket, he just brushed it off.'

The Modern Iconoclast...'Calm down. Things will work out.'

Relaxation Technique

"My philosophy has always been 'Don't sweat the small stuff -- it's all small stuff!'"

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Biomedical Conference. To incentivize advances in medical science, more cures and fewer diseases should be named after people.

"Ambitions... to make it to the other side."

'Taking the anger management class has made you uncharacteristically nice, sir.'

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

Sinking cruise ship, with band member saved by floating on cello.

Calm in the Face of Chaos

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

Large Print Librarian.

"Is something bothering you?"

'To prevent fraud, we like to verify whiplash injury claims!'

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

'She hates me when I'm drunk and I hate her when I'm sober!'

"I'm really having trouble dealing with the global pandemic,economic collapse and cancellation of my weekly yoga class."

'Don't try and act cool by saying it's the blood of the undead, we both know it's acne.'

Air conditioner.

"Very good! Let's try it again. . . this time a little more assertively!"

Germ warfare.

'Oh no. Another major decision on what sort of HVAC system to install?'

We never go out anymore.

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'

The Rat Race

'Not while I am the librarian.'

"Ignore everyone."

Noise abatement society - Hush.