Called Off Engagement Pillows

I heard you called off your engagement to Stacey. Yeh, as it turns out, she wasn't being totally honest with me. She wanted to get married!

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Blues artis's daily list

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"