Call-taking Champ Pillows

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'The King of what?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."

'If you don't mind, my sales manager wanted me to call him the second you took the hook.'

"I don't know about you guys, but I sure miss the dog park."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

"The clerk will call the roll."

'It's for you.'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

I'm snagged on the bottom. I'll have to break the line.

'My son never called me until he became a telemarketer.'

Collar I.D.

Dog Chatlines...

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

"School can be tricky. They give you text books that have NOTHING to do with texting!"

'Every time you get ready to make a call, on your mobile phone, you reach for a comfortable chair. No wonder all that air time translates into large phone bills.'

"You're currently talking to a Millennial, please hold while we try and find someone who speaks 'boomer'."

Hi, just thought I'd touch base...

'Hello? Oh hi... look, can I ring you back, I'm fighting a dragon...'

'Where am I calling you from? Oh, just around.'

'I'm on the throne!'

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

"Let's take an excruciatingly awkward two minutes for people to trickle in."

'We're only ten tech support calls away from another free pizza!'

STRIP Hambone: Cleaner answering the phone in office

'I had a great day! I woke up 10 people, interrupted 28 breakfasts, 42 lunches and thoroughly ruined 21 dinners.'

'I don't know who you are, but I just lost an important client.'