Call Log Connoisseur T-Shirts

'My Android only records important calls.'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Men gossiping

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'This program is geared towards the youth market. You give it up to five commands and it closes down in a huff!'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

'... Press 7 to admit defeat...'

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

Working from Home

Confession Ratings.

"The demise of psychoanalysis? Yes, I saw it coming but you know how it is... denial... repression... projection... compartmentalisation..."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"She never has a bad word to say about anyone, she's always too busy talking about herself..."

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."