Call-and-eat Enthusiast Gifts

...the onion rings

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Church Basement Foodie

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

He wanted a different one.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

Am Awful Crammer.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

"You and your daft inventions."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"