Calculator Wizard Gifts

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Girl does mathematical equation. Man says 'Tut! Teenagers today and their problems ...'

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Today we learned to count to one.

Calculation Board - You Are Here

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Upgrades? Yes, we've programmed it to excrete a few drops of water if it should lose a chess match. You know - tears.'

"I have a huge Algebra final tomorrow. I know I'm gonna fail."

"Have you been working out?"

'For pete's sake Walter!! Enough with the tail, I can't read your writing!!'

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

-Great little number cruncher! -But lousy table manners.

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

'Quantum Mechanics is one of the three great pillars supporting our understanding of the natural world.

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Creative accounting.

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

"Sit and stay were no problem but she's hit a wall with multivariable calculus.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."