Calamity Camper T-Shirts

"The news: Nobody ran amok today."

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"It's okay dear. Dinner always tastes better when it's caught fresh, thrown back, taken from our cooler, removed from the package, and fried."

'Let's see what else will explode in the microwave!'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Who can we call?"

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'Okay guys - lights out!'

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

Can I go to the Computer Tennis Camp?

"Just lemme finish my coffee."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Campground Conductor

'What were you sent up for?'

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

Local, free-range bug juice.

"Nice replica of the garden of Eden Joey!"

Myrtle and Moby never miss the annual RV migration.

Bear Recycling.

Wild, Wacky, Wild and Wacky

Tour guide: 'And there's where we'll be setting up camp folks. Just at the base of that foothill.'

"Ahoy!"

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

Mountain escalator.

Ants watching human invasion.

"Close to what? This doesn't look like Kansas anymore."

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

"This article says to prepare for all types of weather at camp! Like it's going to snow in July!"

'I've lost my job, my wife and kids, the house, what the hell else could possibly go wrong?!"

'SHOP!!!'

"Hey, you're not allowed to bait deer." (hunter trying to bait deer with a corn cob on a fishing hook, other hunter saying its not legal)

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

And now sit back and enjoy nature as you've not seen it before...

'George,you better get in here before someone gets hurt.'