Calamity Connoisseur T-Shirts

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Spontaneous Kombucha

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Choose, Fenster

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Meowlzebub

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

'I don't know. It's too busy.'

'It's Blurred.'

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

allovertheplace.com

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

Moliere

Bleak House

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

Sleigh Ride

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

Charles Dickens.

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'When you said you were a bee keeper...'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'As you can see, the region is full of investment opportunities.'