Calamity Connoisseur T-Shirts

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

'Choose, Fenster

Spontaneous Kombucha

'Wine represents all things civilized. It's an artistic expression, a manifestation of cultural enlightenment...'

'Bye dear! I'll have another nice reindeer steak ready for you when you get back.'

Meowlzebub

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'It's Blurred.'

'I don't know. It's too busy.'

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"We're gonna need a bigger comic."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

allovertheplace.com

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'All You Can Eat Wings.'

Moliere

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

Charles Dickens.

C Day Lewis.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

Sleigh Ride

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

Bleak House

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'When you said you were a bee keeper...'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."