Cafe Adventurer Gifts

"Damn To-Go punks!"

A regular ol' cuppa joe's sure not what it used to be.

The Stages of Coffee Addiction

'Salt and pepper spray- this is a tough joint!'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Countervailing Clichés.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Coffee

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

Swallows returning to Cappuccino.

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

What's your most popular drink? Why do you want to know? Why base your order on what other people are buying? Don't be a follower. Be your own man. If you're unfamiliar with a drink, ask what's in it and decide for yourself whether that sounds good. Or better yet, live a little. Take a risk. Choose a drink you've never had at random and see where it takes you. You only have one life. Don't live it following in the footsteps of other people. That's kind of harsh. No, it's the name of the drink.

Who had the cod, and who had the flying fish?

"I didn't realize there was so many different kinds of vegetables!"

"A table in Siberia, please."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

'Your bill sir.'

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme