Cable Nemesis Gifts

Finally free of cable TV costs

American Idle.

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Stop smoking,instantly.

"My nose whistling is keeping me awake all night."

'I think we found the cause of your modem lag.'

'Go get the hose, George! That gopher is back!'

"I never realized how many wires and cords we used. And that's just from my office."

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

Tortured by music

"Sorry about that. He doesn't like bikes."

Magazine says 'TV: Includes all digital, cable and satellite listings.' Man says: I've just finished reading the TV guide and it's time for bed.'

'It's been cut all right. Question anyone in the family who likes to read.'

'Attention!!! You wolves down there!!! Get away from my door!!! I'm doing the best that I can!!!'

Insecticide.

Angry man shoots at musical notes from guitar player.

England training camp "Keeps 'em out of the nightclubs."

'Hello, and welcome to Acme Cable. If you're calling about a billing issue, big whoop. Get over it and pay the bill. If your cable is out, who cares. When it's fixed, you'll know it. If you're...'

"Dear, you can't blame everything on the high price of cable..."

"I'll be studying with Cruz at house."

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

'He's taking the No Smoking Day very seriously.'

A day without cable ends badly.

'Wouldn't it be easier to change your network Dear?'

Sadie, I just read that the moon used to be a lot closer to earth. You? "Read"? Yes, I read all the time. It takes you that long to read a book? Now that's not nice, Mrs. Cohen. We don't have to go at each other all the time, do we? I dream of a day when you and I can let bygones be bygones, embrace one another, and give each other the respect each of us deserves. Nothing doing! Come on, Sadie. Don't you ever wonder how happy we could be if we called a cease-fire? How about it? ... Friends? (Sig

"I remember telling you to go to hell, too."

So, arch-nemesis, you need my help. What for, pray tell? Mumble, mumble, mumble … Speak up, person who needs my side counsel. Oh, fine! I need help using a computer. And thus the heavens opened and light shone upon the world. Worst day of my life.