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"OK, lad - bring along the murder weapon."

New Timeline

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Moulin Rouge Security

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

Music Hall Dancers

'I try and humour him...it's the only exercise he gets!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Burlyesque

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"One of these days you're going to throw that thing and I'm not going to bring it back."

"I'm not whining."

Ventriloquist's fete

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

"You realize, I guess, that you've left your DNA on that."

"This next one goes out to everyone who wishes I were Bobby Short."

Houdini's Dog.

I work for a nonprofit organization. Me, too. I appear in a comic strip.

"Careful, Blanch. I think he's up to something."

'I saw the world in shades of gray once. Boy, did THAT dull my edge!'

'I don't let her have her way... she does it without my permission!'

Quick, bring me a stencil. Banksy's dog.

"Stock photo, right?"

'Uh Dude, you're supposed to throw it straight up.'