C Minus Champion Pillows

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

"Any ideas? I'm terrible with cursive writing."

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

An angry barbecue.

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

The nonprofit dog fight.

"We could have saved time and just served the served the charcoal briquettes."

"Oh, no! That was the deal. Anchovey pizza, then we watch this!"

Looks like I do dishes again.

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

'All his life, Mel has been convinced that he's a poster boy for something... he's just never been able to figure out what, exactly.'

Great excuses No 964 'I was on my way to the gym when I was abducted by alliens from the planet Sanrg who took me to their ship and force fed me choc-chip ice cream.'

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

"Can't they compromise and sell candy apples?"

Tunnel of Begrudging Compromise.

Man wearing 'Save the whale, rainforst,legalise pot..' t shirt "I think you need to be more focussed."

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"It's a deal. You step out of your bubble and I'll step out of mine."

"You need a haircut and a shave."

Girl saying 'You're history, Brian' to a year 2003 diary.

"Save ALL animals, you bastard!"

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

"My grandma writes me letters like that. I call it the Grandma Font."

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.

Less is less

Little known evolutionary steps.

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

"It's 'Toad in the charcoal'."

"Whenever I try counting my flock I fall asleep."

"We agree to agree to disagree...that sounds like we may actually agree on something!"