Cheese-free Champion Pillows

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Recycling Centre

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"Well, our toxic wastes are ten times more harmful thinner hazardous wastes."

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"I need a box of the gayest chocolate you've got."

"I bet you kids are all losing your minds without a wi-fi signal."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

"Today a protest at the White House..."

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

Russian doll style wheelie bins

"Oh, Hailey! You're so beautiful in the glimmer of the bonfire! If I didn't know it would make you pregnant, I'd give you a great big kiss!"

"It's a pity I'm a vegetarian..."

'What can I say? The Feng Shui in the litter box was off.'

Will the last person to quit smoking please empty the ashtray!

'It's an interesting idea, but increased literacy could lead to a free press.'

'Chew each bite ten times? †I'm a busy man!'

'It's just their little way of saying, 'Sorry we wrecked the planet.''

'Boy, I'm glad I've met you: It is so hard to find a partner who, like me, doesn't want children...'

"I've decided to stay unobtrusive. No more offensive characterisation, no more sexism, racism, anti-capitalist rhetoric..."

"Well, there goes the neighborhood."

No Smoking/second hand smoke kills.

Dumpster Diving

"Before you put on a nicotine patch you need to take off the old one."