Buying A New Bed Gifts

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Introducing the Tofuton

Clancy: Bed

' I don't care if their ad says they stand behind every bed they sell, I want him out of here...'

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'Check out my new bed: Titanium frame, extra firm mattress... Should last for years...'

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"First time pruning?"

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

I did it my way.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'