Buying A House Pillows

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"So what happens if we can't meet our monthly mortgage repayments?"

'Ready?!'

What the Buyer and Seller Think.

'No, it's not your dream house. It's your wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee house.'

Hell, "I think there's been some sort of mistake, I still owe my soul to the mortgage company"

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

"A high five isn't binding Sir. You still have to sign a loan agreement."

"Yes, I know what all the comps say, but my house is special."

'It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 5 sunny spots.'

'Let's see, no current job, no job history, dicey credit report, congratulations Ed, you're approved!'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

Sketchy Real Estate Agent

"Can we close before the next Fed meeting?"

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'We have a cash flow problem too. Our problem is that your mortgage payments aren't flowing our way.'

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

'When is a good time to get a mortgage?'

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

'How much do you want?' - 'How much have you got?'

"Sure, there are commuting issues! But look at the view!"

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

'Something in brick.'

'...and this glorious cliff-top property has recently been reduced by fifty per-cent.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

Little Investment on the Praire

'Step into my time machine, and we'll travel back to when you could get a mortgage on your salary.'

"Your sole use of credit has been to purchase Chinese takeout food. That's why you can't get a mortgage."

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'