Home Buying Pillows

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Hi, come on in to our impressively well-constructed, picture-book colonial home, ideally located on a quiet tree-lined street among the area's finest residences."

"First time buyers have always been my favorite clients."

'I'm just sayin', maybe we should look for another real estate agent!'

'This is my dream house alright, but in my dream it was about half this price.'

I'm afraid your loan will be stuck in underwriting until you've each had a full panic attack.'

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

For Sale, just to find the true value.

'And in addition to a great room, this home has a cool room,super duper room and a totally awesome room.'

"Three bedrooms, living room, dining room, and a little room to negotiate."

"Bad news- that's just for the lawn."

'And this is the walk-in fireplace... I'd be careful with that.'

"Great location, new roof, central air, underground storage tanks full of toxic waste, double garage, ceramic tile?"

'Ready?!'

'I think we should make an offer on this house, what do you think?'

"Well, if that's your only concern, I suggest you simply make an offer conditional upon the removal of all monsters."

'No, it's not your dream house. It's your wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee house.'

What the Buyer and Seller Think.

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

"It's in a very, very, very good neighborhood."

"Nice, but it's still a fish bowl. We'd like something with a little more privacy."

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

"Good news, they accepted your offer!"

"We'll take it."

'What, you wanted to see something in the one fifty range, didn't you?'

"Lean, What Lean?"

'Tell him we'll pay his asking price if the goose stays.'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

Almost sold.

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

I hear the present owners are splitting up. Four fireplaces and a wine cellar. Better act quick, before they make up.