Buying A House Mugs

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"And if what they say about global warming is true you should have year round use of the pool by 2075."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"So what happens if we can't meet our monthly mortgage repayments?"

'Ready?!'

What the Buyer and Seller Think.

'No, it's not your dream house. It's your wake-up-and-smell-the-coffee house.'

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

Hell, "I think there's been some sort of mistake, I still owe my soul to the mortgage company"

"A high five isn't binding Sir. You still have to sign a loan agreement."

'It has 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and 5 sunny spots.'

"Yes, I know what all the comps say, but my house is special."

'Let's see, no current job, no job history, dicey credit report, congratulations Ed, you're approved!'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"Can we close before the next Fed meeting?"

Sketchy Real Estate Agent

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

'We have a cash flow problem too. Our problem is that your mortgage payments aren't flowing our way.'

"You may read the small print Mr Hill, but you obviously didn't read the microscopic print!"

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'When is a good time to get a mortgage?'

'How much do you want?' - 'How much have you got?'

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

"Sure, there are commuting issues! But look at the view!"

Little Investment on the Praire

'Something in brick.'

'Step into my time machine, and we'll travel back to when you could get a mortgage on your salary.'

'...and this glorious cliff-top property has recently been reduced by fifty per-cent.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And, hey, don't kill yourself trying to pay it back. You know our motto-'What the hell, it's only money.' "