Business World Satire Lover Gifts

"Oh, and c.c. the Devil."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"It lost a little something in translation."