Business Training Gifts

'See how much easier it is when we all work together.'

'All the people you required to take the assertive training course are demanding raises.'

Tragically Roger was to discover that his 'managing aggression' seminar did not work in a wilderness setting.

'You've probably heard of me. I'm an author, consultant and lecturer in the fields of authoring, consulting and lecturing.'

Good Customer Service

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

How leaders fail

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"Any questions?"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

Belief and Trust.

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'Before we begin, everyone turn to the person next to you and give them a hug.'

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"

"I think we should try something a little simpler."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"You need to take the weak parts of your presentation and work them into something that won't get you fired."

"You are aware that we try to make money here, yes?"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

'I thought people were quite receptive to the change seminar.'

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

'To address this mistake we must use root-cause analysis. I'll begin by saying it's not my fault.'