Management Training Gifts

"He hasn't finished his 'communicating with staff in a sensitive and empathic manner' module yet."

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

Delegation - "Miss Brown come in and read me this book."

'I like to start by discussing potential million-pound bonuses...that always seems to get their full and undivided attention.'

'The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his ***** dates at this ***** stage which fits in with the 'Management change' consultant who said....'

Apathy Seating

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Let's not go by the book.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'