Business Trainers Gifts

Minion, how would you like a promotion? Impostor! It's been a long time coming, but I've finally signed more than a dozen franchise agreements. And I'll like you to train all the managers. They'll be paying you the franchise fee in sacks of unmarked bills. Oh, and if they act like they think you're from Starbucks, go along with it. It's just a little game franchisees like to play. VERY BAD MAN.

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

How leaders fail

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'