Business Strategizer Gifts

"He's a psychopath with megalomanic tendencies...I like that in a candidate!"

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

'It was a very hostile takeover -- they're still holding my secretary hostage.'

'Rather than do additional research, we've hired an ad agency to carpet bomb our competitors with negative ads.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Robot Parts $5

Hollywood Sign Developers

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'