Business Stories Gifts

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

"And here you see where we successfully concluded the merger to everyone's mutual benefit."

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

"And to think he started in accounting."

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

'From Wall Street, here's a run down of today's stock prices and S.E.C allegations.'

"Markets reacted to the news by edging aside kind of awkwardly and then pretending to take a phone call."

Bought GE stock at its high.

'You think economic news on TV could be adversely affecting our patient?'

"Stocks closed higher on news the U.S. budget deficit and the universe are expanding, so go with the flow."

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

Contagious.

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

'Pork bellies are up...'