Business Stories Gifts

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"And here you see where we successfully concluded the merger to everyone's mutual benefit."

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'The pound looks strong to day. Yes, against the Zambesi bean.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

"And to think he started in accounting."

Bought GE stock at its high.

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

'From Wall Street, here's a run down of today's stock prices and S.E.C allegations.'

"Markets reacted to the news by edging aside kind of awkwardly and then pretending to take a phone call."

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

"Nothing is certain except death."

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

"Stocks closed higher on news the U.S. budget deficit and the universe are expanding, so go with the flow."

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

'You think economic news on TV could be adversely affecting our patient?'

Contagious.

"It was a mixed dayon wall street. Stocks were down, but bonuses were up."

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

'Pork bellies are up...'

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'