Business Reporter Pillows

"Today, 'Greed' was up, on news that 'fear' was down."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"On Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

"Markets reacted to the news by edging aside kind of awkwardly and then pretending to take a phone call."

'It's the part of capitalism I don't like. What goes up must also go down.'

'This economic report is real scary.'

'Finally some good news on the economy: four out of five economists agree that 80% if economists agree.'

'Entertainment stocks were up on rumours that there's no business like show business.'

'Just when you're learning the value of a dollar they have the euro.'

'Pork bellies are up...'

'Today stocks dropped on a report that high-frequency rumours are driving the market down.'

"Not a good sign when the stock market reporter starts sobbing uncontrollably."

Economics journalist

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Press Freedom

Gay Times...

Difference of Opinion

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

A little bird told me...

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

US v.s. Tech Giants