Financial Reporter Pillows

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

"The market reacted today on rumors that the rumors were only rumors..."

"I mostly cover financial news."

"And now over to our financial reporter for the latest on the state of the market."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Mario Draghi

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Gay Times...

Press Freedom

Difference of Opinion

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

European currency on the edge.

A little bird told me...

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

US v.s. Tech Giants

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

'He was a great writer'

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'