Business Philosophy Enthusiast Gifts

"So it's agreed that we pursue radical change as long as it doesn't impact on current practices and policies."

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

"Our parent corporation is taking a paternity test."

"You know, Baldo...someday, you might have your own auto parts store."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

Genius

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

Worked Well In Groups...

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."