Business Moralist Pillows

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"With our new company motto, we are covered legally in the event of a lawsuit."

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

Worked Well In Groups...

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

Primordial Schmooze

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Who's In Charge Here?

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'