Business Ethics Buff Pillows

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

Quasi-legal Pad.

"Dad, tell me again about the golden age of insider trading."

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

'Good afternoon, First Monumental Accounting. Can you hold while they adjust Mr. Gelt's morphine drip?'

'This is excellent. Wow, it's amazing what we can accomplish when you let me take all the credit.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Water company bonus.

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I don't care if you are the CEO of a large oil company, you can't claim your soul as a business loss.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Nepotism

"The secret of our success? Hard work, cutting edge research and bookkeeping issues!"

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'