Ethical Business Buff Pillows

Accounting Firm has door sign: 'No Felonies, Misdemeanors or Fines Since 1951 ... You Do the Math!'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

Free-range C.E.O.s

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Nepotism

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."