Corporate Moralist Pillows

"See, son? Daddy's company makes inhalers to help people with asthma."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

Genius

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."

Sportswasher's

'Consensus on a Friday afternoon...what a lovely way to begin the weekend!'

'If i had my life to live over again... I'd make the same mistakes sooner'

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'