Business Methodologies Gifts

"Or should it be scrum or kanban???"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Looks like another day in which. . . I have to run the world, the country, the business and the household!!!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

The MBA Draft

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'Parsloe, your desk is blocking the corporate food chain.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"