Business Metaphor Lover Gifts

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Lethal Presentation

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Office temperature.

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.