Business Growth Strategist T-Shirts

"I want you to enhance long term growth while maximising short term profit. Oh, and while you're at it, turn this chunk of lead into gold."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Nothing Succeeds Like Confidence.

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'