Business Strategy Guru T-Shirts

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

"Not bad, considering no one knows exactly what we produce or sell here."

Multimedia-Conglomerate-Tasking

'I hate to come to you in this way, but as the president of a company continuing to suffer losses, I need to give my best solution...by thinking better in a box.'

'Krista, please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.'

Quiet Please: Merger In Progress

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Robot Parts $5

Hollywood Sign Developers

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"