Business Etiquette Expert T-Shirts

Business relationships are tricky. While a handshake may not always seem enough, a hug is always too much.

Cult of Informality

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hipsters"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

Let's shake on it.

Ladies' Game

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"So I sold him six with a 23% profit margin, so what do you think of that!"

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."