Business Chatterbox Gifts

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Moo Out Loud

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

The Mating Call of the Modern Youth

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"I figure if I don't have that third martini, then the terrorists win."

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

'Cold hard facts are good, but to complete the picture, here's Brenda from the mailroom with some hot, juicy gossip.'

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

Let's tell the folks in the Garlic Belt there's no budget for steps 2 and 3.

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

'Have you heard the news about Susan in logistics?...'

'I don't know about you, but I could do with a break.'

'Maybe the first couple of times, but believe me, the 'Are you following my Tweets' is no longer funny.'

'Can't we ever just have a conversation?'

Social media messages

"Who's up for some commercially successful music?"