Business Chatter Pillows

"Where can we go and unwind and talk business at the same time?"

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"I hear you may do a baby."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

Macho talk from down in accounting.

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."