Burglary Consultant T-Shirts

'You are going on a very risky journey.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I see you've security marked your property."

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

AI Safety Officer

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

"We've been cancelled."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

Mouse security camera.

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Privacy Stops Where the Parking Lot Begins

'Our crime figures are down!'

After a Lot of Hype, Russian Interference Turns Out Not to Amount to Much

A new case, Ernie...On a lark, two young girls broke into a museum and stole a half-dozen Peter Breugel paintings of Hades. Chicks nick six styx pics for kicks!

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

MI5 Press Office

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

"Before we take you up to the ship, we need to examine the contents of your bag."

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite, Surveillance.

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

'Ed, see if you can find out why Henderson, Morgan and Caldwell are building a moat around their building.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"I just installed a home security monitor."

Desert Island Surveillance.

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

"Hey, there's a spare key hidden under this cloud!"