Burglary Consultant Gifts

'You are going on a very risky journey.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I see you've security marked your property."

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

AI Safety Officer

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Mouse security camera.

"Before we take you up to the ship, we need to examine the contents of your bag."

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

'Our crime figures are down!'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

MI5 Press Office

'Don't give me that junk! — We spies don't either have to stick together!'

Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite, Surveillance.

"I found a partial thumbprint. Let's get the heck out of here"

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

'Ed, see if you can find out why Henderson, Morgan and Caldwell are building a moat around their building.'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

'What do I do for a living?? Isn't it obvious?'

Desert Island Surveillance.

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

"Hey, there's a spare key hidden under this cloud!"

"We need to be careful."