Bureaucracy Warrior Gifts

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Hang on - they've changed V.A.T. on the V.A.T.!'

"What happens if I lose a leg?"

"Okay Mr. Jones, there are one or two little forms to fill in before we can discharge you."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'What's wrong now?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

The Buck Never Stops.

"Useless information"

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"And once you've achieved your 25% improvement in client satisfaction surveys, we need you to solve the problem of global warming,third world poverty and cold toast."

"If you're really interested, talk to someone at corporate. They own my soul."

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"We find it as long as you manage the inputs, the outputs will look after themselves."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

Bureaucracy gone mad!

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

"From this you make a living?"

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.