Bureaucracy Dodger Pillows

'He's not philosophically opposed to war -- he just hates the paperwork.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

Scapegoat of the Year

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

NHS targets.

'Forget it lads. We've been refused planning permission for this one!'

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

'In... out... in... out... in... out... in...?!'

MI5 Press Office

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Federal Center for the Study of your Tax Return.

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.

Too early to begin working on/Too late to do anything about.

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

Auditor General.

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'I've been here for 30 years. I've forgotten what my exact role is, but I do finally know how to fill out all the forms.'

"And you sign here..here...and here.."

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'You've over simplified the accident book.'

Federal Department of Disproportionate Force.

'Do you want to see the folks from Prague all at once?' - 'No - separate Czechs, please.'

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

'I'm a little surprised you got planning permission.'

"Are we going to start working with larger numbers? I want to work as a federal budget director."

Planning officer has a man in his in-tray: 'In order to speed up the system, I have my own personal member of the public to consult.'

"Your signature, Your Majesty, as well as your driver's license and a major credit card."

'The board voted 8-2 to wish you a speedy recovery.'

"Mr. Estes is unavailable. He's still pending."

'According to this, you're out of compliance with EVERYTHING!'