Bunker Building Gifts

Safe harbour

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

'Hole in one!!!!'

God in the bunker.

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"I hate sand traps."

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

'Keep playing like that and you'll strike oil!'

"Well, that's the last of it, which means we just ate thirty years' worth of food in two weeks."

'Evidence is that increased extreme weather is due to climate change.'

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

'Charlie, you've been dredging your sand from the golf courses again.'

"This will be your office. There's a flashlight and whistle if you need to attract attention."

'I am preparing for 2013, and I suggest you do the same.'

"I'll stick to my survivalist bunker."

Today, our quest continues for someone who can come up with a solution for dealing with the partisan gridlock in Washington. In my day, we built bunkers ten feet underground and stocked them with tuna fish. We planned to sit out the apocalypse down there, eating tuna on crackers and playing Scrabble. Tomorrow, our quest continues ...

'SOME bunker this, eh?'

"O.K., doomer."

"Gerald. . . you need to stop stockpiling food!"

"Stupid flu season."

"We already demolished that!"

"I wonder if we might benefit from socializing more with those who don't harbor anti-government views."

'Sorry we're late, we had trouble finding you.'

Like Obama, But White

I hate this bunker!

'I hate this bunker.'

Worse bunker on the course!

I trust you have planning permission! (Golfer in a bunker).

'Ok, heads up! I'm swinging my sand wedge, and - yes! - I hit it out of the bunker!'