Bumper-to-bumper Philosopher Pillows

'Why is it called rush hour when no one rushes anywhere?'

Heavy traffic on a highway passes under a sign that reads "The Salt Mines".

'The good thing about one way streets, is you can only get hit from the rear.'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

"When the slowest car in the fast lane don't go any slower than the fastest car in the slow lane."

Future Tents

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

The Meaning of Life

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Chicken: the one-man show

A man reads "Traffic Times" while stuck in traffic.

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'Now, as many of you know, I was the Monkey's uncle...'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

Well, I think we know who wears the pull-ups in that relationship.

The Birth of Philosophical Thought Experiments.

Road Guilt

'When I was ready to read, they taught me to tie my shoes - when I was ready to tie my shoes, they taught me to read.'