Bump Bonding Gifts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'OAP Licence'

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

D.I.Y with dad.

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Don't mind him. He gets this wa every time they start talking about the inverse relationship between bond yields and prices.'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'As avid soccer player, Roy head-bumps his playing partner's ball in for a birdie.'

'Let daddy know if you get a bite.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'It's only a few minutes before supper, but let's try. One, two, three...'

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

'The only thing better than a good friends is a good friend with chocolate. Got any?'

"Sorry, I can't explain why, when interest rates rise, bond prices fall."

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."

"I want to switch all my municipal bonds into stocks, my stocks into T-bill and my T-bills into municipal bonds."

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

"I know you were a car salesman before becoming a bond trader, but we sell bonds in the secondary market, not 'used bonds'."

"If you hadn't lost everything, I would recommend that you buy now."

"Well, I'd say it should be fairly soon now!"

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

Spring Damage.

'A few of us are getting together after work for a little R&R. If you've got a blankie, you're welcome to join us.'

"I hope you don't mind me asking, Mrs. Gonzales...but how does the baby get out of there?"