Bum Sniffer Gifts

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

"Boy, the Reverend sure has your number."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

"Well, I'd say it should be fairly soon now!"

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

Canadian wildfires

"This cheap wine doesn't have a cork to smell, but the label is scratch and sniff."

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

"It's nice to stop and smell the roses, but with your allergies, keep going and Google them."

Goldie, go fetch the skunk I just shot!

NO Vacancy: "Damn thing hasn't stopped flashing since I booked in!"

Manna from heaven puts the olfactory talents of Israel's dogs to the test.'

"Great neighborhood. You're only minutes away from a yoga studio."

"Gracie, I'm proud of you for reading the newspaper."

'Yes, I do have to sniff every tree. That's how we keep score.'

You've developed a seasonal allergy. Go get this prescription filled and DO NOT stop to smell the flowers!

Another dramatic moment ruined by seasonal allergies.

'Dang! I always sniff too hard.'

He doesn't believe we're making any money unless plant five is polluting the atmosphere.

'I hate it when the pollen count's high!'

'What do you mean you don't like to chase cars? how can you resist the noise, the danger, the smell of exhaust fumes?'

'Arrest that man, officer. His clothes simply reek of cigarette smoke.'

"Have you ever thought about getting an e-reader?"

'Since I'm not old enough to smoke, I thought I'd stand here and inhale. I read that the effects of slash burns are as harmful as cigarettes.'

'I think I know how the robbers got in. Someone forgot to lock the doggy door.'

Hadley K., All-Day Sucker.