Bug-phobic Laugh Seeker Pillows

'Seriously, honey, if there's a bug in the kitchen, just step on it!'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

"That'll be five bucks."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"Let me guess...you forgot to put their hand-brakes on!"

"Your honor, my client is a very respectable blood-sucking pest."

"You drop yours first."

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'Well... at least we know the basement doesn't leak.'

Comedy Vicar Competition

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

"He won't talk but I will!"

Don't be alarmed by the smell, it's not a chemical attack: we've just entered the teenage boy's bedroom...

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

'He reps a lot of comedians in Hollywood.'

Fly at the Optometrist

"You're using forelegs? That's disgusting!"