Budget-friendly Bling Lover Pillows

'Did I mention it comes with a limited edition magnifying glass?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"We've been milked all day at the office. Now we girls deserve a little R&R."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

'Was I wrong in thinking that diamonds are a girl's best friend?'

"I told you that a £50 facelift was a bad idea!"

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

Organic or Toxic - It depends what you can afford.

"Isn't it great how everyone's saying how air travel leaves a big carbon footprint? Now I can stop being depressed and instead feel self righteous about never being able to afford an exotic vacation!"

'Take a handful. We can't afford any big bonuses this year.'

"A MOHAWK is what I get for asking for an affordable hair cut?!"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Where is the cheapest place to get a beer?'

'This prescription will be expensive to fill. You might want to try it's generic form...chicken soup.'

"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."

'Cecil takes me to the museum every Saturday.' - 'What's he studying, economy?'

GO 4th class travel agency - Your steerage class travel specialist,

"Well, I see the treasury as half-EMPTY!"

Budget Toupee

'Double vision will cost you £70 to have fixed.' 'I'll shut one eye.'

"We have a number of service options, the cheapest 'bronze', involves giving you lousy advice."

Two tramps discover their clothes have been used to patch each other's garments.

'The army has such little funding they've cancelled our tour of duty...It's now a back-packing trek of duty!'

'Sure, I know diamonds are a girl's best friend. But couldn't cubic zirconia be a really acquaintance?'

"Does this come in anything cheap?"

Thrift: 'More! More!'