Budget-friendly Aficionado Pillows

'Double vision will cost you £70 to have fixed.' 'I'll shut one eye.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

DIY marriage counseling.

Online Shopping.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

The spend is high

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

"They weren't doing a two for one on moisturisers, low fat yogurt or muesli then!!"

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

'Would you care for a drink while your food is being defrosted?'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

'With the price of petrol, I had to take on a second job to pay for the petrol to drive to my first job!'

Bargains

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

sale

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

Tony Blair - EU budget.

Final clearance sale.

A janitor stomps on, mops up and bottles some grapes to make "Truly Affordable Beaujolais".

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

I brake for all 50 off Sales.

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

Garage Sales Anonymous